Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and Poltergeezes
by raynbowstarr
Summary: Years have passed since the Final Battle. George has given up all hope, when one day in WWW things start going mysteriously wrong...and Fred is the cause.
1. Chapter 1

"Morning, Verity," George said dully, walking into Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Verity looked up with a sympathetic glance and went back to typing on the magically enhanced computer. Just last month Rolf Scamander-Lovegood had developed a new line of technology compatible with magic. George had yet to recover from the loss of his twin. Each morning, he went into work, yet he was devoid of any life or spark. As to avoid losing clientele due to the temperament of the owner, a number of associates had been hired to help customers. Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, and Dennis Creevey all had pitched in and were now full-time employees.

George trudged into the back room and stopped, surprised. A large bout of Fizzing Whizbangs had spilled from the bag and were all over the table. He tried to scoop them up, but his hand went right through them. He figured they'd come into contact with some other substance and simply Vanished them.

Seamus and Dean walked in, hand in hand, and whipped around to Verity. "Verity! When did this happen?" Seamus asked sharply. Without taking her eyes off of the keyboard, Verity replied, "I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Finnigan." Dean shook his head. "Verity, _look up_." When the witch raised her head, exasperated, she gasped. The entire stock of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans had somehow coated the floor. Just then, Dennis Creevey came running in. "Sorry I'm late," he panted, "I- what the bloody hell happened here?"

"That's what we'd like to know," said Dean. Verity looked at her watch and gasped. "We open in twenty minutes, gentlemen. Creevey, get to the warehouse as fast as you can and get more of those beans. Finnigan, Thomas, clean this up. I'll log the damages." Dennis raced out and Dean and Seamus waved their wands, levitating the beans to trash bags. When they went to levitate the bags to the dumpster, however, the beans were left behind. Dean sighed and Vanished them.

George frowned. "Out there, too?" Dean had come back and informed him what had happened. He shook his head and sighed, clearing his thoughts. "Open shop," he ordered.

Throughout the day, strange things kept happening. Several Decoy Detonators began to sneak off of their own accord, causing explosions of smoke or loud bangs all over the store, and once even making it rain pretzels. The Reusable Hangman toys began to come up with the dirtiest and most inappropriate words imaginable. And the Skiving Snackboxes, Nosebleeding Nougats, and Puking Pastilles switched ends. Near the end of the day, George heard the shriek of a little girl at the other end of the store. "GEORGE!" he heard Seamus bellow, "GET OUT HERE, MATE!" He approached the area warily, and stopped dead in his tracks, wide eyed. A translucent form with somehow unmistakable red hair sat crosslegged in the air. "Hiya, Gred!" Fred said, waving cheerily. George's eyes rolled back in his head as he passed out in shock.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm not entirely certain how I wound up here," Fred said thoughtfully. Seamus and Dean had closed shop early and they were now all circled up in the back, Fred perched on a table. George was still pale and wide-eyed. "What's up, Georgie? You look like you've seen a ghost," Fred cackled. George blinked. Seamus and Dean burst out laughing. George trembled.

"I… I thought…." He stammered. Dean jumped up, taking Seamus with him, begging some excuse as to give the brothers some privacy. George launched himself at Fred, trying to simultaneously hug and punch him, but went right through him. "Damn!" he swore.

Fred chuckled. "I'm here now, yeah? Update me on everyone. How's Mum?"

George's face darkened. "She...well, she's not as bad as I've been. She's doing better now, but the first few years were tough on everyone."

"Years? How long have I been…?"

George stopped. "Freddie….it's been nearly eight years since the Final Battle. It's 2015."

Fred slowly began to nod. "I….I can deal with that later. Fill me in on everyone else."

George paused thoughtfully. "Alright. Erm, Mum and Dad are fine, Harry sent Winky to them, all three of them are doing much better. Dad's head of his department now. Charlie is in Romania, he hasn't really returned much since….you know. He writes every now and then. Bill and Fleur have two daughters, Victoire, nearly seven now, and Dominique, I believe she just turned five in March. I also think they're trying to get pregnant again….Hmm. Percy's married, as well. You remember Penelope Clearwater? She passed in the battle. Percy grew quite close to her sister Audrey….Their eldest, Molly is five, and Lucy is three. Percy is assistant to the Minister."

Fred raised a hand. "Penny died...who else?" George teared up.

He sighed. "Dobby, you know that. Remus and Tonks…"

Fred stopped him again. "What about Teddy?"

"He lives with Tonks' mother, though he goes for dinner at the Potters' every Friday. And he tends to hang around Shell Cottage quite a bit, although I think that may have to do with Victoire more than anything."

"Potters? As in plural?"

George smirked. "Oh, yes. Ginny and Harry married fairly soon after the battle. James is three, Albus two, and Gin is pregnant."

Fred was astounded. "I missed a lot, didn't I?"

George nodded solemnly. "Gin actually plays for the Harpies, though right now she's just journaling for the Prophet as a Quidditch Correspondent. Harry's an auror, Ron was, but he's in between jobs right now….Ron and Hermione are together, too. They have a daughter, Rose, two, and Hermione is pregnant, too. Refuses to stop working, though. Says that without her, the Department of Magical Creatures will go to hell."

Fred sighed. George checked his watch. "Almost six, we'd better be off, or we'll miss Sunday dinner at the Burrow." Fred looked at him strangely. "What, don't you want to raise hell again?" George asked with a grin.

The scent of fresh roast beef wafted through Fred's nostrils. He was unsure of how he could smell it, but he could, and it was amazing. Invisible, he waited by the door, watching the family arrive. Percy and Audrey walked in first, each holding the hand of an auburn curled girl. Then Bill walked in, arms full of blonde hair as a little girl wrapped her arms around his neck, another firmly holding her mother's hand. A periwinkle haired kid ran in, grabbing the hand of the elder girl and running off to another room. Ginny clucked as she and Harry walked in, one black haired boy with messy hair toddling by his mother, another being held by his father. Seconds later, Ron and Hermione entered, beaming from ear to ear. A pigtailed girl held a hand of each of her parents and was trying to run forward. Molly hugged each one, shooing them into the kitchen, Arthur shaking hands with the men. At the table they all sat, noticing there was an extra chair. As they all tucked in to the roast chicken Molly had prepared, Bill and Ron stood.

"We have a surprise for you," Ron began. He was interrupted by Charlie striding in and sitting. Molly gasped and ran over to him, fussing immediately. Everybody began chattering, stopping only when the sound of a glass shattering hit their ears.

"Sorry," George muttered sheepishly, still holding the bottom of a glass and a spoon in his hands. Hermione waved her wand and the glass flew back together.

"Ahem. Sorry, brothers of mine, didn't mean to rain on your parade, but I also brought a guest."

Molly looked over. "George, you should have told me! I didn't set another place."

George waved a hand. "He won't require a chair, Mum, don't worry."

Molly gasped. "A man? George, are you….?"

George sighed. "No Mum, I'm not gay. Bill and Ron brought a man."

"Yeah, but he's our brother," Ron said around a mouthful of mashed potatoes. Hermione gave him a disdainful look.

George grinned. "So is this one. Fred?"

Fred appeared, hovering midair above everyone's heads. "Boo."

Molly screamed and fainted. George laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

Once they'd revived Molly, they all immediately began asking questions left and right. Fred waited patiently until they'd all died down, then folded his legs, holding his hands pressed together before him. He opened his eyes, smiled sagely, and replied, "I dunno." There was a collective sigh from the group.

* * *

They spent the rest of the afternoon catching up. Both Hermione and Percy approached him to talk about various tests and examinations they wished to perform on him, which he waved off with vague answers. Percy left early, disgruntled, Audrey politely excusing herself and the children to go after him.

"Hey, Gred," Fred said. "Know what I miss most?"

"What's up, Forge?" his twin asked, carefully adding lacewing flies to the cauldron he was stirring.

Fred sighed. "Food. I miss Mum's cooking." George looked up. He added a few more stirs, then took the cauldron off the heat, hopping up on the table next to Fred.

"Freddie, how many things have we invented?" he questioned. Fred opened his mouth, but George cut him off. "Lots, right? Why couldn't we invent a potion to help with that?" Fred's eyes widened. This could be huge.

* * *

Hermione Granger stood at the entrance to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, her hand on the doorknob. She wasn't sure what to expect when the twins had called her here, but she was sure it was nothing good. Fortunately, she was spared the decision when George opened the door.

"Hermione!" he yelled, hugging her. "Come in!" He grabbed her by the shoulders and expertly commandeered her into the back room.

"It's our favorite witch!" Fred cried. "Top of the class, she is. And excellent at Potions, am I right, George?"

"Quite right, Fred! Why, she-"

Hermione sighed. "Get to the point, please."

The twins stopped, deflated.

"Right, then," Fred started, "As you know, I am a, erm, ghost…" He stopped when he saw Hermione shake her head. "What? I am."

Hermione looked at him. "Nearly Headless Nick is a ghost. Moaning Myrtle is a ghost. No, Fred, judging from your behavior…..I've been looking into it. I'm fairly certain you're a poltergeist."

After the screaming and dancing in a circle had ended, Hermione was regretting telling the twins this news. They had brainstormed a new name for the shop- 'Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and Poltergeezes.'

"Fred! George! Kindly tell me why I am here." They quieted. Fred floated forward.

"Well, we weren't lying when we said you were a great potioneer. We...I...need your help."

Hermione frowned and folded her arms.

"I acknowledge that the two of you are very talented at charms, and the shop is brilliant, but if you need my help then this is serious."

Fred nodded. "We wanted to ask what you knew about the possibility of a potion that would enable a ghost- or poltergeist- to eat and drink."

Hermione furrowed her brow, deep in thought. "I don't know that that's possible, Fred. We wouldn't be able to get the potion in you for it to work. But….."

"What?" George asked, leaning forward excitedly.

"Well," Hermione said slowly, "We could probably turn the food itself ghostly."

* * *

A few hours later, Hermione left, promising to send them any research she found.

George rifled through books on the different uses of flowers in potions while Fred tended to the shop with Verity. They had gotten the new sign up, and more customers than ever had come to see the shop where one of the owners was a ghost. Parents were wary at first, but soon realized that Fred was as enthralled by the children as they were with him. He beamed while showing them prank products to use on their friends, subtly redirecting parents to items such as the reusable hangman ("Good for spelling practice,") and everlasting ink ("saving you a lot of money in the long run.") He levitated Pygmy Puffs, making them fly about the room and setting them atop little girls.

George and Hermione were in the back, sharing assorted things they found that might work. They weren't particularly experienced in the field, as nothing like this had ever been tried before. Hermione slammed a book shut, surprising George and making him jump. "George, this is pointless, honestly. We need to consult professionals. I think we should go back to Hogwarts."

He grinned. "Can we take Fred with us?"

Just then, Fred floated in. "Did someone say Fred Weasley?"

George beamed. "I think we're going back."

Fred's eyes widened. "Back to witches and wizards, and magical beasts? Goblins, ghosts and magical feasts?"

Hermione nodded. "It's all that we love, and all that we need at Hogwarts."

George agreed. "Hogwarts."

They took the Knight Bus, finally stepping inside the gates once more.


End file.
